This week I came across a study published in the peer-reviewed journal Society and Animals suggesting that people are more empathetic towards their furry friends than toward fellow humans. More precisely, people are more empathetic toward puppies and even adult dogs than they are to adult human beings. Make of that what you will.
As an executive coach and HR consultant, I've worked with countless entrepreneurs, leaders, managers, and professionals who admit they struggle with empathy. There are two camps: (1) the highly empathetic who over-empathize (often people in care taking industries, as well as HR functions, the latter which are sometimes called "People people") and burn out, having no empathy left to give. And, interestingly, (2) a second camp of people who admit they never had much empathy to begin with. They're not wired that way, they tell me, and that's okay. As a coach, and frankly as a flawed human, it's not my place to judge anyone, and certainly not my awesome clients. If you want to get into the head of a self-identified sociopath, check out this recent article from The Wall Street Journal. But here's the thing: empathy is not just a "nice-to-have" soft skill. It's a critical component of effective leadership and, in my humble personal *and* professional opinion (having coached 700+ clients around the world), empathy is truly a hidden competitive advantage in today's fast-paced, diverse, and increasingly complex business world. When leaders lack empathy, they often face a host of challenges: increased workplace drama, higher levels of stress, and a lack of trust and engagement among their teams. As you probably know, if you're alive, these issues can quickly snowball, consuming valuable time and energy that could be better spent on innovation, creativity, and strategic thinking. I'd love it if everyone were "perfectly" empathetic and kind, but that's wishful thinking. People have different upbringings, brain chemistries, and belief systems--period. Yet, how can "sub-empathetic" leaders and professionals of any ilk cultivate this essential skill? It starts with practical conversations and a willingness to step outside one's comfort zone. First, it's important to understand the business case for empathy. When leaders take the time to understand and appreciate the perspectives, feelings, and experiences of their team members, they foster a culture of trust, respect, and psychological safety. This, in turn, leads to higher levels of engagement, productivity, and employee retention, and this translates into dollars, not just good vibes. In other words, empathy is not just a feel-good concept; it's a strategic imperative. A couple of weeks ago, I had a business owner coaching client admit that he never cared much about others. If I recall correctly, he was an only child, though that fact alone does not explain his lack of empathy. Perhaps ironically, he was in the healthcare industry. He said he "liked" helping people for the most part, but it wasn't ever tied to his emotions. And he really loved the money that he could earn by helping bring relief, comfort, confidence or joy back into people's lives. Most importantly, he said he wanted to get better at empathy--and that was truly heartening to hear. It's not up to me, but in an ideal world such leaders should work on increasing their emotional awareness. This involves paying attention to nonverbal cues, actively listening to others, asking evocative and not just banal questions, and regularly checking in with team members to gauge their well-being and job satisfaction. It also means being aware of one's own emotions and how they may impact others. Evocative questions might be "what was the best part of your day?" Or "what are you most proud of?" versus banal questions which are sometimes important but rarely life-changing or rapport-building, like "did it rain this morning?") Cross-cultural sensitivity is another key aspect of empathy. In today's global business environment, leaders must be able to navigate and appreciate different cultural norms, communication styles, and values. This requires a willingness to learn, an open mind, and a healthy dose of curiosity. Most, if not all, of my clients subscribe to this belief, and I have clients on all continents (yes, even one who was briefly in Antarctica during our engagement, so I'm counting that one--if you know anyone who is stationed in Antarctica at least part-time, please let me know: I'll offer both you *and* them a high-caliber free coaching session). Finally, leaders can boost their overall emotional intelligence (EQ) by seeking out feedback, coaching, and opportunities for personal growth. This may involve taking an EQ assessment, working with a coach or mentor, or participating in leadership development programs that focus on soft skills. There are tons of resources online already, I don't need to add to the noise. The bottom line? Empathy is not a luxury; it's a necessity for modern leaders. By cultivating this critical skill, "sub-empathetic" leaders can reduce workplace drama, minimize stress, and create a culture of trust and engagement. And that's not just good for people; it's good for business. So, if you're a leader who struggles with empathy, I mean this honestly: don't despair. With practical conversations, a willingness to learn, and a commitment to personal growth, you can develop this hidden competitive advantage and take your leadership to the next level. I've never said it would be be easy, but I believe it will be worth it (and my hundreds of elated clients would agree). The last thing I'll mention here is something powerful: no matter where we exist on the empathy spectrum, from regular empaths to hyper-empaths to sub-empaths, showing empathy to others can have a profound impact. When you start to show other people empathy, it causes a beautiful ripple in the universe. It can inspire others to pay it forward, and often it reminds us to show kindness, love, patience and forgiveness to ourselves. I invite you to think about examples in your life where this has been true. And if you're struggling to find such examples, that's okay, too. If you're curious about the power of coaching and what harnessing empathy can do for your career or business (whether you're a company of one or 100,001), schedule a no-nonsense discovery call. 15 minutes might not change your mind, but it can possibly change the course of your life. If you skew skeptical, so do I. Here are some real reviews, and there are more thoughtful "Recommendations" on my LinkedIn profile. Cheers--be kind to not just to others but also to yourself. Comments are closed.
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About DawidPoly-creative and complex human who fills up his days as a career coach, executive coach, resume writer, and personal brand / communications specialist. Conqueror of excuses and doubts. Bakes a mean éclair and snaps thought-provoking photos, but is best known for helping clients achieve personal + professional growth and fulfillment. Archives
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