When I first heard about "achievement dysmorphia" it was a term that would have immediately resonated with my younger (more restless, more ambitious, never-quite-satisfied) self, and one that has certainly resonated with many of my executive coaching clients in recent years.


These days, when I mention the term, their ears often perk up: even if they've never heard the term, it's as if they've been waiting for that exact "diagnosis" their whole lives (note: I am not a therapist or a medical professional, and I believe my clients are already whole, creative, and resourceful).


What is Achievement Dysmorphia?


In simplest terms, achievement dysmorphia is a phenomenon where individuals struggle to accurately perceive their own accomplishments and they often feel inadequate, even despite consistent and externally-validated success.


Imagine a 5-time Olympic gold medal winner still feeling like he isn't good enough, or an employee who has received a promotion every 12 months for five years in a row still feeling like she should be doing more.


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The term is borrowed from the Greek dysmorphía which, roughly, means misshapenness or ugliness, and it is most often understood in the context of body dysmorphia and mental health.


I've also heard permutations like talent dysmorphia, skill dysmorphia, productivity dysmorphia, and accomplishment dysmorphia, all of which I imagine amount to the same or very similar thing.


Technically speaking, dysmorphia could also mean that someone with poor (or mediocre) performance is inaccurately perceiving (i.e., inflating) their work quality and thinking they’re doing a fantastic job when they’re actually doing a terrible job—and this could become prevalent for cultures or generations where, for better or worse, everyone is used to getting a participation trophy (i.e., as opposed to only the winner getting the trophy).


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The Prevalence of Achievement Dysmorphia


But the overwhelming majority of people I work with don't have the problem of overinflating their accomplishments or importance—their challenge is usually the opposite: that they don't recognize or "own" their wins.


They barely acknowledge or remember their actual, tangible, externally-lauded achievements, and they often suck at communicating their wins or tooting their own horn from time to time. They sometimes even actively downplay their hard work and wins.


For those folks, no amount of external praise from their boss, parents, or peers is big enough to fill the internal void. No abundance of achievements is big enough to quash their persistent self-doubt, no number of accomplishments is big enough to keep anxiety or self-disappointment at bay.


The Role of an Executive Coach


One of the most rewarding things I do when I work with new clients is take inventory of all that they've accomplished--big and small.


This doesn't mean we focus just on recent job histories.


We talk about their professional experience, both the formal wins as well as the informal responsibilities, we talk about what gives them the most joy, what they're most proud of, what is energizing and what is draining…


We talk about their impact and joy outside of work, their history of volunteering, teaching, mentoring, fundraising, running, jogging, traveling, knitting, baking, singing… and more.


For some of my clients, these conversations are immediately very liberating and fun, while other clients are a bit skeptical, because this is all new territory. They're not used to thinking such positive thoughts or weighing or talking about their own value in this way.


So we have to spend a bit of time looking inwardly.


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Challenging Clients' Perspectives


As an executive coach, it's my job to not only support but often challenge my clients to see their work and personal life through different lenses, not just the default lenses they're used to putting on each morning, literally or figuratively.


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By asking simple yet powerful questions I often disarm my clients, that is, I take them out of their routine ‘cognitive ruts’ and help them reevaluate and parse out what is actually important here, today, in the now.

• When you're on your deathbed, how important will this week's Board meeting be?
• What would you tell your child if they came to you with the very same problem you shared with me today?
• If I gave you $10 million a year for life, and you didn't have to work, how would you spend your days?
• How would you behave at work if you knew you couldn't fail?
• What would the best version of you (e.g., the healthiest, happiest, most confident, most thoughtful, kindest version) do in this exact situation?

The Relationship Between Success and Happiness


You can open virtually any celebrity social media feed, read a book by nearly any famous or hyper-successful person, or head to the self-help section of your local bookstore (that is, if there are any left), and you will quickly learn that this is true: Success and happiness are hardly related.


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Sometimes, it's painfully simple: certain people gain their sense of worthiness and build their identity around professional achievements and success—and others do not. Most people I work with belong in the former camp, and for better or worse, that pays my bills.


The Impact of Achievement Dysmorphia


The thing about achievement dysmorphia is that it isn't (usually) deadly, nor is it always visible, but it can privately wreak havoc on a person's life.


Sometimes, a massive event like a tragedy strikes (be it personal or national, unique or global) and opens the person's eyes to seeing that constant work and achievement are not the only way to go through life. Sure, being a busy bee is sometimes necessary, but it isn't always the best thing.


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There are other paths toward an abundant and healthful existence.


For example, they may suddenly lose a loved one and realize they were too busy working and didn’t spend enough time with that person. But those are just extreme examples. Smaller, daily examples abound. Perhaps you can think of examples in your own life where achievement (destination) steals joy from the everyday experience, the process, the journey.


If you find all of this corny, then this isn't for you, and that's ok. But chances are you know someone in your life who is experiencing such struggles.


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Achievement dysmorphia is heavily reinforced by society, which makes it that much more pernicious.


When you get that promotion, secure that big deal, or earn that gold medal, the world celebrates with you--but only for a minute, before the achievement is collectively forgotten and the party ends, or the media moves on to the next big story.


Michael Phelps, one of the greatest athletes in recent memory, talks openly about the deep bouts of depression that followed after each of his Olympics appearances.


He won 28 medals across five Olympics, the most of any other human being in history and apparently more than 161 countries (yes, entire nations) have won in their respective histories.


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To be perfectly clear, depression is a diagnosable and manageable/sometimes treatable condition, and it can range from mild to extreme. Achievement dysmorphia, to my knowledge, is not (yet) a DSM-IV category, but it can still wreak havoc on a person’s emotional, mental and social well-being.


On a related note, the WHO has listed burnout as an occupational phenomenon, and I am telling you now that while the reasons for burnout differ from person to person, achievement dysmorphia is indeed a culprit for some folks.


You can have a nice boss, a decent work environment, a collaborative and helpful team... and you can still find yourself overwhelmed and burning out, in part from your own doing.


No amount of time management training or mental health days/spa days will help if you don't start changing from within.


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Recognizing Achievement Dysmorphia


Of course, nobody comes to me and says, "Hey, I have achievement dysmorphia. Can you help me overcome or at least manage it?"


Instead, they might say things like:


"I'm not very good at tooting my own horn."
"I'm worried I should be doing more."
"I don't like it, in fact I get really awkward, when people compliment me."
"I really don't want to disappoint my parents/boss/peers."
"I've always been very competitive, and I'm drawn to cutthroat, dog-eat-dog work environments."
"I feel like I'm burning out, but I can't afford to stop or even slow down."
"Complaining is for [expletive]."


Causes and Fuel for Achievement Dysmorphia


In her LinkedIn article on the topic, Jaime Ellis lists a handful of causes (or perhaps fuel) for the achievement dysmorphia fire, including traditional performance reviews, social media comparisons, and toxic work environments.


I would also add that highly competitive environments, people's upbringing, and random life circumstances or uncontrollable events can also play a role in contributing to all this. We can’t always control what happens to us.


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So, how do I support clients who say that their incessant need for approval, their constant chasing of a “high” (of a new win, a bigger deal, a new high-visibility project) has been a thorn in their side for years, and they’re sick and tired of something that no longer serves them?


Well, it differs from client to client, but in all cases I have to be ruthlessly… kind.


If they want to remain workaholics for life, that is their decision, and my personal agenda should not matter. But usually they do want the change. They want to get better. They want to show themselves more grace.


That's why they call me.


Many of my clients are at a crossroads in their lives where they realize it is no longer healthy or even fully productive to continue with "business as usual."


I’ve had so different experiences with clients around this topic, and though I don’t typically share individual journeys or success stories due to confidentiality and ethical best practices, below I’ve compiled a few scenarios that are taken from real-life experience (note: I leveraged Claude.ai to compile and blend some stories into composite scenarios).


Coaching Scenarios: Overcoming Achievement Dysmorphia


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Scenario 1: Alex
Alex is a queer software engineer with a passion for innovation. Despite having led several successful projects, he struggles with achievement dysmorphia, imposter syndrome and constantly doubts his abilities.


Our Approach: As Alex's coach, I encourage him to reflect on his past achievements and recognize the impact of his work. Through guided self-reflection exercises and affirmations, Alex learns to acknowledge his expertise and gain confidence in key skills. Additionally, I introduce Alex to a supportive community of LGBTQ+ professionals in the tech industry, providing him with a sense of belonging and validation, as well as fun.


Scenario 2: Maria
Maria is a mom of three kids and a successful marketing director. Despite her extensive experience and impressive track record, Maria struggles to assert herself in male-dominated meetings and often downplays her achievements.


Our Approach: I work with her to develop assertiveness techniques and communication strategies tailored to her style. Through role-playing exercises and personalized feedback, Maria learns to command attention and effectively communicate her ideas. Additionally, I connect Maria with other inspiring professionals in the marketing industry, providing her with a supportive network and empowering her to embrace her authentic self at work. We also explore exercise as a tool for personal development.


Scenario 3: Jamal
Jamal is a first-generation HR manager who identifies as neurodivergent. Despite his strong work ethic, raw passion and undeniable dedication, Jamal often feels overlooked and struggles to advance his career.


Our Approach: I help him leverage his cultural background and neurodivergent traits as strengths rather than limitations. Together, we create a career development plan that aligns with Jamal's values and aspirations, focusing on opportunities that allow him to make a meaningful impact. Additionally, I introduce Jamal to networking events and mentorship programs, including some specifically tailored to first-generation or neurodivergent professionals, helping him expand his professional circle and comfort zone as well as access new opportunities for growth.


Scenario 4: Juanita
Juanita is a determined corporate executive who immigrated to the United States at a young age. Despite her ambitious nature and strong work ethic, Juanita struggles with feelings of inadequacy, often comparing herself to her American-born colleagues.


Our Approach: Recognizing Juanita's immigrant experience, I work with her to embrace her cultural heritage as a source of strength and resilience. Through storytelling and identity exploration exercises, she gains a deeper appreciation for her unique journey and the skills she has developed along the way. Additionally, I help her navigate cultural differences in the workplace and develop strategies to assert herself confidently in corporate settings, ultimately propelling her career forward. She even joins an ERG and starts to organize events at work that bring her joy.


Scenario 5: Rachel
Rachel is a freelancer with a passion for creativity and innovation in the world of design. Despite her visionary ideas and high-caliber work, Rachel struggles with perfectionism and often feels overwhelmed by the pressure to constantly exceed expectations. She procrastinates extensively. She hasn't felt inspired in a while.


Our Approach: Recognizing Rachel's perfectionistic tendencies, I work with her to develop strategies for managing stress and prioritizing self-care. Through coaching sessions focused on setting realistic goals and embracing imperfection, Rachel learns to find balance between ambition and self-care, ultimately enhancing her overall well-being and job satisfaction. Additionally, I provide Rachel with tools and techniques for fostering creativity and innovation in her work, empowering her to harness her unique talents.


Conclusion


In each scenario above (again, some scenarios use poetic license to blend several clients into a composite persona), my goal was to offer new, refreshed, and hopefully more healthful and sustainable notions of what it means to be successful in a very confusing, challenging, rapidly-changing, mad, mad world…


Does Any of This Resonate?


If you find yourself relating to any of the experiences or thoughts shared in this article, know that you're not alone. Achievement dysmorphia is a real challenge faced by many high-achieving professionals.


Your instance of it may be mild... or it may be all-encompassing (and you might be blind to that fact, having ignored your instincts and intuitions for years).


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Take a moment to reflect on your own relationship with success and consider seeking support from a coach, mentor, or therapist to help you redefine what true fulfillment means to you.


Remember, your worth extends far beyond your professional achievements—it's one thing to read an article that tells you to embrace your unique journey and celebrate the multifaceted person you are--and it's another thing to actually embody it. It takes work. It takes practice. Sometimes it even takes daily vigilance.


If you’re not sure where to start, please reach out. If I’m not the right person for you, I have an incredible network of professionals (coaches, therapists, consultants, advisors, mentors) and I’m happy to point you in the right direction.


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Take great care of yourself. If you don’t, who will?

When I ask my clients "How often do you volunteer?"... most people's answers generally fall into one of two buckets:

🪣Bucket 1: I volunteer fairly often--I love giving back to my community (or to the world)!
🪣Bucket 2: I don't volunteer, but I wish I did! I don't have time... I don't know where to start... etc.

Volunteering offers so many benefits for all humans, but this is especially true for anyone who has been unemployed for an extended period or perhaps anyone experiencing job loss for the first time.

Based on hundreds of client engagements, thousands of hours of conversation, and countless more hours of personal experience and observation, here are the top benefits of volunteering (if you think I've missed any, please email me to let me know).

Skill development and maintenance:
Volunteering enables us to acquire new skills or maintain existing ones, which can be valuable when seeking future employment opportunities. It helps bridge the otherwise empty gap in our resume and shows potential employers that we have been actively engaged in productive and good-for-the-world activities.

Networking opportunities:
Volunteering exposes us to new people and professionals from various fields, expanding our network. These connections can lead to potential job opportunities, references, or valuable advice for our job search.

Boosting self-esteem and confidence:
Losing a job or being unemployed can take a toll on our self-esteem and confidence. Volunteering provides a sense of purpose, accomplishment, and value, which can help restore our confidence and improve our overall mental well-being. Plus, people who volunteer are often perceived as more attractive. We did not evolve as a civilization by being selfish but rather by being collaborative, helpful, thoughtful creatures who generally care about one another.

Structured routine:
Volunteering can provide a structured routine, similar to a work environment. Having a regular commitment and purpose can help us maintain a sense of normalcy and stability during the challenging period of unemployment.

Exploring new career paths:
Volunteering allows us to explore different industries, roles, and work environments. This exposure can help us identify new career interests or confirm our passion for a particular field, guiding our future job search.

Demonstrating work ethic and commitment:
Volunteering showcases dedication, work ethic, and willingness to contribute to a cause. These qualities are highly valued by employers and can set us apart from other job candidates.

Reducing stress and improving mental health:
Engaging in meaningful activities like volunteering can help reduce stress, anxiety, and feelings of isolation that often accompany unemployment. It provides a positive outlet, a sense of community, and an opportunity to focus on helping others, which can boost our overall mental well-being. If you feel stuck in a career (or life) rut, volunteering shifts the focus from navel-gazing (i.e., away from you) and toward other people. It can be refreshing and liberating in ways you can't imagine when you're busy feeling lost or sorry for yourself.

Giving back feels good, plain and simple.

It's a tool that requires our time and energy but is otherwise free.

How often do you volunteer?
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Having read all this, what are your thoughts about volunteering? Is all of this obvious? Did you learn anything new about yourself? What are your volunteering goals for the next chapter of your professional or personal life?

"There is no greater torment than the war we wage between love and fear."*

Everything you do--everything--can be traced to either love or fear. And this is just as true with personal life as it is with professional life. Change my mind; prove me wrong:

Pursuing a career you're passionate about (love) vs. staying in a "stable" but unfulfilling job (fear).

Speaking up about a new idea in a meeting (love) vs. remaining silent due to fear of rejection or criticism (fear).

Investing in your professional development (love) vs. avoiding learning opportunities because of the time or effort required (fear).

Collaborating with colleagues and sharing knowledge (love) vs. hoarding information due to fear of competition (fear).

Providing constructive feedback to help others grow (love) vs. withholding feedback to avoid potential conflict (fear).

Taking on a challenging project that stretches your skills (love) vs. sticking to familiar tasks to avoid failure (fear).

Networking and building professional relationships (love) vs. isolating yourself due to fear of rejection or social anxiety (fear).

Negotiating for a well-deserved raise or promotion (love) vs. accepting the status quo out of fear of losing your job (fear).

Embracing change and adapting to new technologies like AI (love) vs. resisting change due to fear of the unknown (fear).

Maintaining a healthy work-life balance (love) vs. overworking out of fear of falling behind or losing your job (fear).

Doing my first full-length mud race (love), vs. feeling jealous of fit and active people on TV/social media while being a coach potato myself (fear).

How long have you been acting in love?
How long have you been living in fear?

1010 WINS has "You give us 22 minutes, we'll give you the world." 

My version as a coach is: "A 15-minute conversation can change your life."

BOOK a no-nonsense (free) 15-minute conversation. I promise to be as kind (or tough) as you need me to be.
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*For anyone wondering, AI did not write that quote. I found myself waxing philosophical recently, and the notion came to me during a free-write/journaling exercise. 

I also have a painting in my home of a human being torn between a heart and a brain, and this feels very apropos...

🫀 vs. 🧠 
Love vs. Fear